“Another report on excessive shell usage? Anything else? You l’asino stupido got your shoulder marks two weeks ago but already managed to get everyone
sick of useless paperwork. I always dreamed of writing reports when going off to the front, of course. You wait there, Englishmen, hold on with your advance—I have a couple of papers to fill out. You are interested in ammunition and I am interested in where the 15th Infantry Brigade went. The one you promised would support us. Any ideas? Maybe you can write me a report? Quinctilius Varus, give me back my legions! Oh, what am I saying? You never even learned your country’s history. Want to learn about excessive shell usage? We’re firing them! At the enemy! All the time! Is this report good enough for you? And don’t even get me started on insubordination or I might actually blow up. You’ve been an officer for two weeks, but you’re my little brother for life.”
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